I was walking by a restaurant in the Hartamas area when I saw a hipster choking on a black burger. Yes, it's 2015 and our hipsters are still into burgers with charcoal buns (and green tea Kit Kat).
Fortunately, someone else there knew the Heimlich maneuver and administered it. The victim's frantic partner called 999 and insisted on a hybrid or electric ambulance.
I shouted: "Give him a lemongrass drink or a mason jar with infused water and he'll be alright"
The slumped, choked guy nodded in agreement.